But I took it serious as I liked reviewing. Not sure why, but there was something about viewing a movie and trying to explain what I liked and didn't like in such a way that was informative and entertaining. Not as easy as you might think.
But from that, I also gathered an appreciation of really well crafted reviews. It's much harder to write a well-written positive review than a negative one. But even with the negative ones, the bar is set so high. It's not enough to say "Wow, this movie blows" and just shit all over it. At the end of the review you should feel...something. Either laughing really hard or wanting to get a shower because just reading about it makes your skin crawl.
Which is why this is one of the better reviews I've read in awhile. First of all, the subject matter is horrible. It is of a comic I sadly have looked at, but have never bought. Why have I read it? Because when you're looking at a comic book stand and you see a cover with mostly naked women with absolutely massive, back-shattering breasts, you do take a moment to go "what the fuck is this?" despite your better angels.
So yes, this is a terrible comic series. many of the images in his review are likely to make you either want to A. gouge your eyeballs out or B. Find the artist and castrate him.
The artist in question, Jim Balent, is supposed to be a nice guy, by the way. And he makes a living producing this crap and appears to be happy. So I have pretty mixed feelings about the whole thing - you produce garbage, and you're happy - ummmm, yay?
But Chris Sims really knocks it out of the park with this review. Funny, horrified, embarrassed he's reading it and, at the end, you know what's happened, why the comic makes no sense and why it is, apparently, the worst comic book ever made!
How could not want to know a little bit about the worst comic ever made? I also enjoy his reason, in the comments section, on why he keeps reading the series.
"I asked a friend of mine why he read it, and he told me that it was legitimately the worst comic book coming out, and that he felt it was important to read the worst and the best so that you have a sense of Comics as a whole.
It made sense at the time."
Anyway, I love this review. I love this post. Even the comments section is priceless (there's one involving Darth Vader towards the end that had me laughing out loud). And because so many of you depend on me to provide you with at least a few minutes of entertainment a day, here you go. Be careful what you ask for.
Just have the eye bleach stand by the computer after reading the review. You know, just in case. And yeah, those 11 words? (you'll know them if you read it) they will, well, haunt me. Sadly.
1. Alley cat song - Holly Cole
2. Better version of me - Fiona Apple*
3. Length of love - Interpol
4. Navy sheets - The Hold Steadys
5. Mine's not a high horse - The Shins