For the record, I agree with Inflatable Elvis - "prorogue" is the new black. Although I think he should be embarrassed to admit he loves Gossip Girl. Dude, really...
So, we've all been prorogued, as it were. And even though I'm risking the wraith of several regular readers, I think that was probably a good thing. Look, it's been one week since the shit hit the fan. It's been a dramatic week with lots of big, stupid talk. Words like "traitors" and "coup" have been tossed around. Our government even managed to wake up the slowly dying sovereignty movement with some of it's inflammatory rhetoric.
And the Liberals managed to show that they have problems grasping how to use basic camera equipment and a watch. Not to mention the idea of toppling the sitting government this month has been dead less than 12 hours and there's already signs the coalition is fracturing. So it makes me wonder what would have happened if they actually had succeeded next Monday of bumping off the government. Would they have lasted until Christmas?
So yes, a time-out and sending every one off to their corners, not a bad idea at all. It's asking a bit much to hope that everyone grows the fuck up in the next few weeks, but dare to dream.
In the meantime, here's a suggestion for each of the major political parties. Considering it a Christmas gift for the long-suffering citizens of Canada or an early New Year's resolution to the country.
Conservatives - While Steven Harper is busy being surly and complaining about having to go and do a brand new spiffy budget to try and save his political hide and make those whinny bastards (ie. the Canadian public) happy, allow me to make a suggestion to his caucus. Go to your sheds and find whatever sharp, pointy object you have lying around. You know, scissors, a knife, an axe, perhaps even a chainsaw if you're really hard up. And then go forth and stab your prime minister in the back.
If you think the racket of the last week was dramatic, just imagine what happens when 140 or so people decide to oust their leader. And lest you think there's no precedent for this sort of thing, well, I can think of one, albeit over in England. Remember, Margaret Thatcher did not sail gracefully into that Good Night. Her caucus decided she was now a liability and that they could not save themselves with her as the leader. So they bumped her off, politically speaking. And in the short term, it worked. John Major won the next election.
At some point the Conservatives are going to realize the same thing with Harper. And they've never had a better excuse to do it than right now. Oust him, put in an interim leader and set up a leadership convention for later in 2009. Canadians will give you an award.
Liberals - After you go out to Future Shop and buy a half decent high-def camcorder (this one is on sale. Even if they're broke and in debt, I'm sure they can find the money for it) they need to speed up the process of selecting a leader. Realistically, even being back in session on January 26, the Conservatives can stall a confidence motion another week or so. So, from right now, you have two months to select a new leader.
It's not ideal, trying to do this over the Christmas season. But as the Globe and Mail wrote in their editorial today, if you can run a national election in five weeks, you can select a new leader in two months.
(The Globe has actually been running some nice commentary on the whole fiasco the last week. It's made for interesting reading)
Get to it, because as long as Dion is your fallback plan to take over as prime minister, it's simply not going to work for a chunk of the country. Time to step-up to the plate.
NDP - Pause a moment to wipe the drool from your face and try not to look so eager for the chance to weld a bit of power federally for the first time in your existence. Oh, and someone punch Jack Layton in the face a couple of times so he stops looking so smug. It's annoying.
BQ - Resist the urge to laugh at the foolishness of all this. The rest of Canada knows this is idiotic, but just cut us some slack, all right?
Green - If someone could equip Elizabeth May with one of those sub-dermal electric generators so that she gets a shock every time someone clicks a remote, that would be great. I'm sure she's a nice woman who cares about the environment, but she has a dubious sense of timing and political common sense.
Because maybe, just maybe, in the middle of a constitutional and economic crisis is not the time to say you support Dion and the Liberals and that you might get appointed to the Senate. Dear God...
Knowing when to shut up is also an important skill in politics. You might want to work on that one over the holidays.
So yeah, if that's all done by the time the crazy people sit down to yell at each other in the House of Commons again, then that would be good.
1. House of wolves - My Chemical Romance
2. Have a little faith in me - John Hiatt
3. Baker baker - Tori Amos
4. Past the mission - Tori Amos
5. Hallelujah - Allison Crowe*