My comics reading list

One of my friend’s on Twitter thanked me the other day for recommending Hawkeye a Marvel Comics series to him earlier the year. It’s won a ton of critical praise and the current creative team is getting ready to wrap things up and the series is going to be cancelled. That’s one thing that’s changed from when I was a kid. A series used to keep on going, no matter if a creative team left or not.

Now, it’s just as likely after a dozen issues the series will be cancelled and restarted with a fresh #1. But it did get me thinking…I think I have pretty good taste in comics. I do have friends who ask for recommendations from time to time. So I thought I would do a master list of what I’m currently collecting.

A couple of caveats…I’m just including series where the books are still in print and are ongoing. I love, love, loved Amelia Rules but there are no more books coming out in that series. I’m currently on a fool’s quest to try and find all the trade paperbacks of Gail Simone’s Birds of Prey run.

While I won’t do full reviews, I will include a few words about why I’m collecting them.

And yeah, it seems like a lot. Even I was surprised by how many. But these are regular series and not stand-alone graphic novels like RASL or This One Summer. Also, most of them put out one, maybe two books a year. It’s a lot, but believe it or not I collected a lot more when I was living in Newfoundland.

Finally, if you have to pick just one publisher to take a chance on, Image Comics is it. For years it was a hole of really unremarkable super hero crap like Spawn, but has since reinvented itself as a top creator-owned publisher working in westerns, sci-fi, mystery, horror, spies, and yes, sometimes super-heroes. They also do the nice/evil thing of collecting the first trade paperbacks at a very low price.

So via Amazon you can easily get a book like Greg Rucka/Michael Lark’s brilliant Lazarus for $10. Which is an absolute steal.

Anyway, by publisher, what I collect that’s being published regularly.

Marvel

All-New X-Men/Uncanny X-Men – There are about a dozen X-titles. I stick with these two as they’re both written by Brian Michael Bendis, one of Marvel’s best writers. Solid dialogue, good character development and Bendis gets the soap opera aspect that always works well with the X-Men.

Avengers/New Avengers/Uncanny Avengers – The first two titles are written by Jonathan Hickman, who loves ridiculous complex multi-year sagas involving cosmic disasters of some kind. I am, apparently, a sucker for this kind of thing. Uncanny Avengers is written by Rick Reminder who does something similar, but focuses a bit more on character rather than story than Hickman. Both have blown up the Earth multiple times in their runs. Don’t worry, it got better. Mostly.

Black Widow – Nathan Edmondson tells a nice spy thriller about Natasha Rominov seeking redemption for all her past sins (nicely tying into the movie), but Phil Noto’s art is the star. Some of the best on the stands right now.

Daredevil – For decades now, courtesy of Frank Miller, Daredevil has been a dark, pretty screwed up noir-like character. Mercifully Mark Waid remembers when he used to be more a swashbuckling one. Sure, there are dark moments, but this is such fun. Waid also remembers when Marvel characters would drop into books just because it was fun (Daredevil vs. the Silver Surfer. Sure, why not), not because it was a 30 part event. Chris Samnee’s joyful and creative art helps a lot.

Hawkeye – As the tagline goes, this is what Hawkeye does when he’s not an Avenger. Which is? Well, being a schmuck and just making bad decision after bad decision. And that’s before you get into his love life. It’s fun, creative and David Aja’s is unlike anything you’ve seen in comic books before. There’s an issue told from the point of view of a dog. And it’s one of the best things you’ll read this year.

The Superior Foes of Spider-Man – Some of Spider-Man’s d-list villains plot the next big score. Except they’re idiots. Awesomely fun and stupid.

Thor: God of Thunder – Writer Jason Aaron also like the big, convoluted story. The first year involved Thor from three different time periods (1000 AD, now, far future) fighting a villain determined to kill every god in the universe. Ludicrous. Fun.

DC

Batgirl – Writer Gail Simone tells the story of a Barbara Gordon is going through PTSD after being crippled by the Joker. It’s a good book, but you get the feeling Simone was frustrated not being able to tell lighter stories.  That doesn’t mean she can’t bring the drama when she wants.

Batman – In the middle of a classic run with Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo. He’s rebuilding the Batman myth with new villains (the Court of Owls) takes on old ones (Joker) and retelling his origin (Year Zero). Lesser writers would botch this. Snyder is not one of those.

Fables/Fairest – I’m collecting these two titles on momentum more than anything else at this point. It’s good, but it’s a good thing it’s wrapping up soon. It’s time.

The Spectre – DC is reprinting the classic 90s run by John Ostrander and Tom Mandrake. What happens when God’s Angel of Vengeance is tied to a human with a mission to comprehend and confront evil? What happens when they misunderstand the mission? More spiritual than you might think and Mandrake’s art is unreal. It’s some of the moodiest and scariest art in a comic I’ve ever seen. A little dated, but still good stuff.

Wonder Woman – I’ve always been conflicted by Brian Azzarello’s story. He’s done a lot of things I don’t like and I’m not fond of his interpretation of Diana’s character. But I can’t deny it’s well written. I might have dropped it already if not for Cliff Chang’s spectacular art. I like will drop it when they leave the book later this year.

Image

Alex + Ada – In the near future androids are common. But an AI revolt leads people to restrict just how smart androids can be. After Alex gets a female android companion from his eccentric grandmother, he struggles with the idea of repressing the android and takes steps that will cause…challenges. Jonathan Luna is a well-known artist, but his style always feels a little soulless to me. But the story is intriguing. First tpb is just out; I’ll be trying the second.

Black Science – Rick Reminder and Matteo Scalera put together a sort of inter-dimensional Lost in Space/Fantastic Four book, except the main character is an asshole who is risking friends, family and possibly the structure of the multiverse. It’s a little over-the-top at times (some creators do better when they have a major publisher/editor reining in their excesses. Reminder is one of them), but a ton of raw potential. First trade out now. I’ll get the second.

Deadly Class – More Rick Reminder. A kid is plucked from the streets in the 80s and plunked in a school of assassins. His goal – to assassinate Ronald Regan who he blames for killing his parents. See above. A ton of potential, but not kept on track. Half the book is spent on a road trip in Vegas with the lead character on acid. Debating the second book.

East of West – My favourite book of 2013. In an alternative, future Earth where America’s Civil War went deeply weird, Death of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse hunts for his missing son. And that doesn’t even cover a fraction of it. Jonathan Hickman firing on all cylinders.

Fatale – Last issue just came out. The fifth and final tpb will be out this fall. It’s by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. Rule #1 of Comics. Always buy any book these two are working on. A Lovecraftian Noir tale.

Five Ghosts – Thanks to a dream stone implanted in his chest adventurer Fabian Gray can summon the skills of five “fictional” ghosts. Plus conspiracies, grand adventure and Nazis. Good 30s-style pulp.

Lazarus – In the future the world is not divided by political boundaries, but by families with financial interests. Each family has a protector – A Lazarus. This is the story of one, who begins to realize there’s more to her than she thought. Greg Rucka is pretty much an automatic buy for me. Michael Lark on art seals the deal.

The Manhattan Projects – Jonathan Hickman and Nick Pitarra on what I assume is a staggering amount of drugs. An alternate version at what the 1940s Manhattan Project might have been up to when not building boring things like an atomic bomb. It’s good. Deeply, deeply weird, but good. Hickman probably needs to wrap this up soon, though…

Nowhere Men – What if four scientists were the Beatles of science? At $10 this is a steal. A nice slab of entertainment, weird science and conspiracy. I think the book is on hiatus, however.

Pretty Deadly – A weird little magical western book. Kelly Sue DeConnick’s writing isn’t for everyone. She’s going more for lyrical than plot, but Emma Rios art makes it all go down smoothly.

Rat Queens – If you’ve ever played Dungeons and Dragons or loved Lord of the Rings, you need to own this book. It’s just so much fun. Four warrior women (thief, warrior, healer, wizard) who drink, curse, have sex and get in lots of trouble.

Revival – I normally have no time for zombie comics (there is no Walking Dead on this list), but this is “rural noir”. In a small town in Wisconsin the recent dead return to life. The town is immediately quarantined, but there’s still plenty of other weird things happening to trapped residents…

Rocket Girl – In the future (now) the only cops you can trust are teenagers. But when one suspects a conspiracy and travel back to the past (1985 New York) to try and stop it. Her and her rocket pack. The story is honestly a touch shaky, but Amy Reeder’s artwork is an absolute joy.

Saga – The most beloved sci-fi comic on the market. A star-crossed couple defies their warring races, get married and have a little girl. And if that sounds simple, what comes next is not. Filled with mad ideas and Fiona Staples magical art. It will thrill you just as often as it will break your heart.

Sex Criminals – The darling of 2013. A couple discover they can stop time when they orgasm. So they decide to rob banks so they can save a beloved library. Then the sex cops get involved. More touching and funny than sexual, it’s weird and enjoyable regardless.

Velvet – What if Ms. Moneypenny was actually the most dangerous person in MI-6. Close, but not quite what is happening here. But a great Bond-ian spy thriller set in the 70s. Velvet Templeton (great name) is on the run after being framed for murdering a top agent. Ed Brubaker rule in effect here, although Steve Epting’s stunning art helps.

Zero – A deeply weird science fiction/spy/thriller. I haven’t decided if I’m getting the second book yet, but writer Alex Kot is making it quite tempting.

Others

Afterlife with Archie – When Hot Dog dies in a car accident, Jughead begs Sabrina the friendly neighbourhood witch, to bring him back. Which she does. With drastic, horrific consequences. I kid you not, one of the best, scariest comics on the market, courtesy of Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa’s clever story and Francesco Francavilla’s spectacular, atmospheric and horrific art.

Atomic Robo/Real Science Adventures – I think the last few books have been a little too serious and not enough fun, but it’s still enjoyable. Basically Tesela in the 1920 invents a sentient atomic robot. There are many weird adventures. Part Indiana Jones, part Hellboy, all fun.

Conan – A little Conan goes a long way with me. In this case it’s been the last three trades written by Brian Wood with one more to come. Conan hooks up with a pirate queen. I’ll probably go 10 more years before needing to read him again, but this is entertaining enough.

Letter 44 – When the new president of the United States arrives in the White House after the previous incompetent and corrupt president leaves in disgrace, he finds a letter that explains why his predecessor behaved so erratically. The story and conspiracy are good, but the art is deeply shaky. I’ll probably give the second tpb a try. The first just came out.

Parker – Darwyn Cooke adapting Richard Stark’s Parker novels. It’s all you need to know. One of the best artists in the business adapting some of the best crime fiction ever written.

Rachel Rising – Written and drawn by Terry Moore. Honestly, an acquired taste involving the dead returning, witches, conspiracies and other weirdness. But Moore’s b/w art is beautiful.

Red Sonja – Never a title I collected. Then Gail Simone took over. Then the character became fun. The whole chainmail bikini even works. A character who was often portrayed as a male nerd cheesecake fantasy becomes one the scariest, most empowering women characters in comics.

The Sixth Gun – A horror/mystery/western. There are six guns, each with magical properties. Each cursed. An evil, and dead, Southern General wants his gun. The sixth. The most powerful of them, which is currently held by a young woman who wants nothing to do with it, but has no choice. A nice mix of all the elements.

Star Wars – A little Star Wars goes a long way for me. Brian Wood tells the story of what happened between the first two movies. Worth it just for a very interesting take on Leia.

Stumptown – PI Dex Parios is a good detective, but a shitty gambler. Set in Portland, it’s a fun detective story, equal parts mystery, fun, action and drama. Greg Rucka is there, so I’m on board.

Bandette – A young woman in Paris who is a thief, but also helps out the police when she’s not busy protecting the people of Paris. Colleen Coover’s art is the draw here. It’s adorable and filled with more energy per page than 10 regular comics.

Cleopatra in Space – No kidding. A teenage Cleo is transported into the future where she has to save the galaxy. And finish school. Mike Maihack’s art is brilliant (I own some of it, although not from this book) and the story is a ton of fun.

Usagi Yojimbo – The most important, consistent and admired comic of the last 25 years. A ronin wanders feudal Japan  getting into adventures. Except he’s a rabbit. Stan Sakai gives a master class in storytelling, folklore and art. He’s so good that what he does looks simple, yet 99% of comic creators can’t do it and freely admit it.

Waiting on

Because that’s not enough, there are several books that haven’t come out yet in tpb format that I’m going to buy. They are:

She-Hulk - Marvel

Captain Marvel - Marvel

Ms. Marvel – Marvel

Rocket Raccoon – Marvel

Magneto – Marvel

Moon Knight – Marvel

Harley Quinn - DC

The Fade-Out – Image

Shutter – Image

Southern Bastards – Image

Fuse – Image

Veil – Dark Horse

Tomb Raider – Dark Horse

Last Five

1. Real long distance - Josh Ritter

2. Praise you - Flatboy Slim

3. Out of touch - Hall & Oates

4. Old Dan Tucker - Bruce Springsteen

5. Ah, me - Amelia Curran

2000

So this is a milestone post that more than once over the last few years I never thought I would make it to. Blogger is telling me that this is my 2,000th post.

The blog start in Newfoundland in February 2005 as a way, if I recall, to write about some stuff the Express wouldn't let me. Probably politics. Always drove me nuts that I had a successful, award-winning political column with the Packet and that was viewed as something the Express wasn't interested in.

Still annoyed about that, apparently. So anyway....

Record show I wrote a whopping total of 10 posts and then the blog went fallow and probably would have remained that way, as so many blogs do, until it got a jump start when we moved to Iqaluit in August, 2005.

(Yes, our 9th anniversary of the move is coming up. No, I won't be writing about. Maybe when we hit 10 years.)

And then we were off. Like a few bloggers before me, and many afterwards, the blog became about trying to adapt to a very different lifestyle and culture than what I grew up with. It wasn't entirely about that. There were other things like politics, movies, geekiness, and hell even some curling thrown in there. Blogs that tend to be just about how odd Nunavut is, as a way of explaining things to friends and family down south don't tend to last long either.

I have no secret to my success on this thing. I just wrote. Between 206-2009 I wrote a lot, sometimes more than a post a day. And then since 2010 it's faded. I can't precisely explain why; it's a number of things.

First, it can be hard to write about certain topics. I love writing about politics, but it's a challenge. I'm now nine years removed from Newfoundland and people writing about the politics of a place where they don't live....well, that often doesn't go well. There are people in Newfoundland who wouldn't piss on Margaret Wente if she were on fire.

Without getting into too much detail, I'm not comfortable writing about federal politics, no matter what my union representative tells me. I think that's just being prudent.

As for Nunavut politics, I...dabble in it. But so much of it is also based in the culture and traditions of the Inuit. I've been here nine years, so at least there are people realize I'm not here for a contract, a quick few bucks and a story before heading back down south. But I still try and be aware that I am perhaps missing something from not being from here.

Although, and this is a separate post, some heads need to roll over this dump fire. Next municipal election is going to be ugly.

Once I get away from politics, well, I do track what tends to be read most often. You guys really don't like curling (no worries about that, I'm not curling this year. I need a break), you can be hit and miss on the travel stories, and the geek culture stuff, which I've considered shifting towards, tends to be hit and miss as well.

Anyway, I really did think about hitting 2,000 posts, dropping the mic and walking off stage. It's a good number. A lot of blogs don't publish that much.

But it feels...limiting. I might not be posting twice a day anymore, but there's still stuff  I want to say. I like posting when travelling. It reminds me of what's going on that day, so I can write travel pieces later, if I want. There are times when there is stuff that's pissing me that I want to write about (the dump fire will be coming shortly. One on social media is forthcoming as well). Or just something weird (I have an ode to travel shoes coming).

I just like the option. I'm a not bad writer. I should be writing more. I really do try, but shiny things (internet, comic books) distract me. So does work. And, you know, I have this lovely wife who is mostly pretty patient with me. And she's fun and cute and I should be spending more time with her too.

So many things....so I write when I can.

So 2,000 blog posts. Took me about nine years. I figure I'll be about 65 by the time I hit 4,000. But hey, stranger things have happened....

Last Five
1. All along the watchtower (live) - U2
2. Jesus was an only son - Bruce Springsteen*
3. The Hispanola/Silver and Loyals March - The Chieftains
4. City of lakes - Matt Mays
5. Nobody girl - Ryan Adams

Hawaii wrap-up

I’m actually back in Iqaluit as I write this, so let’s wrap up with a few comments about Hawaii, and even a couple things about our stop in Ottawa, before moving on to other things. Besides, judging by my traffic stats, I’m not exactly setting the world on fire with “What I did on my summer vacation”. Then again, traffic on the blog always slows down during the summer.

1.    I was just starting to get the hang of Maui when it was time to leave. Cathy and I have been vacationing together for about 12 years now. A lot of these vacations have tended to be go go go…Cathy wanted this one to be a bit more sit around and do nothing. That’s not something I’m great at. I tend to wake up and go “what are we going to do today?” and Cathy’s response was often “we could do nothing, you know.” I wasn’t great at it the first half of our time in Maui, but I was just starting to settle down into sloth when it was time to go. Oh well….

2.   Apparently we need to split vacation between mountains and ocean. If you were to ask what my favourite moments were, they would have been flying over the volcano, hiking around Volcano park and driving up Haleakalā and hanging out at the peak. Cathy would probably pick swimming with manta rays (admittedly, very cool) and relaxing on the beach. Keeping this in mind, next year’s tentative plans seem to be a jaunt into the Austrian Alps followed by a cruise around the Greek isles. Something for both of us.

3.   Hawaii also confirmed that I’m just not comfortable being in the ocean. Cathy found it both amusing/worrying any time I went in the water. I can’t swim well, despite swimming lessons. I just can’t relax in it. I call it an environment that is actively trying to kill me every time I get in it. Cathy thinks that’s a touch melodramatic, but then again, she’s part sea mammal anyway. I envy her comfort in the ocean. I’ll never have it.

4.   I also seem to have become a bit nervous in planes, which is annoying. Granted, we had two bumpy flights and the one from the Big Island to Maui verged on terrifying at moments (overheads popping open and people screaming from the turbulence). But even on the big jets, I have difficulty getting comfortable. I don’t know if it’s paranoia from my Copenhagen flight experience a few years ago, or if American airlines are just so spectacularly uncomfortable and cattle-like that I can’t relax, but it is frustrating. Honestly, the best flight I had on the vacation was with Air Canada from Toronto to L.A.

5.    Hawaii is expensive. And this is saying something because we normally laugh at prices when we go out. Living in Nunavut gives you a different perspective on what is expensive and what isn’t. But even we noticed that things weren’t cheap in Hawaii. But the thing that surprised us was that even things grown locally (coffee, pineapples) weren’t cheap. If you’re going, gear up your budget for it.

6.    Perhaps that’s why Hawaiians are so eager to go on vacation. We heard a lot of radio ads for trips to Las Vegas while we were there. Basically to have some fun, gamble and do your Christmas shopping. I guess you need to get away, even if that away is a tropical paradise.

7. It is a dangerous thing to let me into a supermarket in the US while on vacation. The plan in Maui was since we were staying at a condo, we would buy groceries and not eat out every meal as a way to save money. Except I got in Safeway and wanted to buy everything. There was so much food, and stuff I'd never seen before and I wanted it all. I think Cathy was getting ready to taze me at one point to try and get me under control.

8.    We ran into a huge number of Alaskan ex-pats living there. I guess that makes sense.

9.   I remain baffled why Hawaii hasn’t gone all in on alternative energy. Maybe they have, but it just didn’t seem evident. Hawaii has easy sources of solar, wind, geothermal and wave energy. The one thing they don’t have is oil and gas. So why not have significant alternative energy and actively encourage hybrid and electric cars and punish gas-powered cars and trucks. Most of the islands are small enough that hybrids and electrics make a lot of sense, but I saw few of them. It’s a little baffling to me.

10.   I’m no good at litre/gallon conversions, but Maui’s gas tended to be in the $4.50 a gallon range. Although, in an interesting twist, the cheapest gas on the island was right next to the airport…at a Costco. If I lived there I’d have a Costco card just for the gas. I’ve mocked people in Newfoundland who drive 30 minutes, wait in line for another 30 minutes, and burn a ton of gas, just to fill up at Costco and save three cents a litre. But in Maui it makes sense. At their gas bar I filled up at $4.04 a gallon. A Shell station right around the corner was charging $4.52. That’s insane.

11.   This was our first experiment with staying in condos on vacation instead of hotel rooms. Gotta say, we quite liked it. Yes, the one in Kailua Kona seemed like it was leftover as a set prop from Hawaii 5-0…the 70s version of the show, but it was fine. And the place in Kihei, Maui, was just spectacular.

12.   We never did a luau, which I sort of regret. We begged off on the Big Island, figuring we’d get one in Maui. But the one everyone agrees is the best was sold out six weeks in advance. They’re expensive, and there were food allergy concerns, but it might have been fun. Oh well, next time.

13.   And yeah, I can see going back there in a few years. The nice thing is we only did two islands. There are seven. And each island has its own vibe. So yeah, I could see going back and exploring a couple of the other islands in a few years. We liked Hawaii. I was concerned it was going to be so touristy that it would be a turn off. And yeah, Maui caters to tourists a lot more than the Big Island, but it wasn’t too bad. I think it helped that we didn’t stay in, and actively avoided, the big resort areas north of Lahania and south of Kihei.

And as for the couple of days in Ottawa, three things...

1. I think we fell in love with Fiat 500. It's what Enterprise gave us at the airport. That is a fun little car. I enjoyed zipping all over Ottawa for a few days in it. Yeah, it's small and I wouldn't want to be sitting in the back seat of the thing, but I like the car quite a bit. Cathy and I have had semi-joking conversations about getting one next summer. The main problem, I think, is not the extravagance of having a second car in a place like Iqaluit when we don't have kids, it's that we would both be fighting over who got to drive it.

2. I was curious about what kind of reception I would receive after arriving at Southways, given the racket I kicked up last time. As soon as I mentioned my name to the woman at the desk, the manager came zipping around the corner to let me know my coolers were fine and to have a chat with me. So that appears to be resolved. Although I thought they might put us in a nice room to make up for some of the hassles. Nope. One of the oldest rooms in the place in some pea soup green colour. Oh well. I guess all is not completely forgiven (and don't tell me hotel people can't be spitey to annoying guests. I'm friends with people in the industry. I know they do it...)

3. Finally, if you're in Ottawa and think "I need donuts" and your first thought is to go to Tim Hortons, smack yourself in the face hard and go to Suzq instead. Best donuts I've had since I was a kid and used to hit the bakery at Woolworths on Water Street. The Dirty Chocolate is especially wonderful, although the maple bacon (with real bacon) is fairly brilliant too.

If nothing else, I doubt I will be eating donuts from Tim Hortons anymore. It seems a waste when I could get some from there. If anyone is flying up from Ottawa to Iqaluit and wants to buy me a dozen, I will be your friend forever. Or at least until the donuts are gone...

Last Five

1. Butterfly song - Andy Stochansky
2. What makes you happy - Liz Phair*
3. Save me - The Donnas
4. Shakin' - The Dandy Warhols
5. Buffalo seven - Matthew Good

Maui: Land of Car Sickness

Maui has many virtues going for it. The sunshine, the beaches, surfers, rainforests, extinct volcanoes…but my lasting memory of the island will be one of car sickness.

Ordinarily I only get car sick if I’m trying to read while in a moving car. Frustrating, but I’ve learned to adapt by not doing that thing. But Maui managed a new one my making me car sick while driving, not once, but three separate times. Let’s just say there are few straight lines in getting from Point A to Point B.

The first was by accident, and it’s a decision I will be paying the interest on for the rest of my marriage. Ever make a decision that disagreed with the option provided by your wife, realize it was the wrong one and have a vision of a conversation you’ll be replaying for decades to come? That’s what happened when, after enjoying a spectacular sunset just north of tourist hub of Lahaina, I decided to turn left when leaving the beach. Cathy advised turning right and retracing our path back to our condo. I was sure that left was faster. It would take us over the north-western part of Maui and, from a quick glance at the map, appeared to be a shorter distance.

What I had failed to take into consideration was that while it might look shorter, it was not the four-lane highway we had enjoyed earlier in the day. My option, Route 340, can generously be called a goat path in places. It’s not just that it’s a narrow two lane road filled with hills, valleys, twists and blind turns, it’s that it occasionally narrows to one lane, then to one gravel lane. Then one narrow gravel lane against the edge of a cliff with the Pacific Ocean below. Assuming we could see it, of course, as I was driving it at night. Occasionally traffic would come from the opposite direction. Just to make life more interesting.

It’s not the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s Top 10. I told locals what I did and they looked at me like I had a death wish. They avoid driving that road during the daytime. Driving it at night is insane. I look on the bright side. By driving it at night I was less able to see how close I was to driving the car off a cliff than if I’d done it during the day time.

After we finished, and survived, there was a McDonald’s. I pulled in, ordered something to drink (I forget what) and spent 15 minutes taking a lot of deep breaths and getting my hands to unclinch.

The second case of car sickness was at least during the day time and more pleasant. The Road to Hana ends up on a lot of lists as a Must-do if you’re in Hawaii. It ends up on a lot of bucket lists as something you should drive in your lifetime.

And it is spectacular. The scenery as you’re driving along the narrow and winding road is some of the best I’ve seen in my lifetime.  Just as long as you stop regularly and enjoy some of it. One of the smarter purchases we made was the audio guide Gypsy Guide to the Road to Hana for our iPhone. It’s a battery hog, but provides a ton of useful information about places to stop along the way, and some history of Maui. So we stopped at several spectacular waterfalls, botanical gardens, roadside food stops, beaches and parks along the way.

If you’re ever looking for proof that the saying “it’s the journey, not the destination” is true, then the Road to Hana is it. The actual community of Hana is barely worth the trip. It’s small and there isn’t much to do. We only spent a few minutes there before driving onwards to the Haleakala National Park a few miles later, with its “sacred” pools. They’re not sacred to Hawaiians, but to marketers, who very effectively sold the idea that tourists should travel there and spend money along the way. Instead of the crowded pools we spent a few hours hiking up the side of the volcano to Waimoku Falls.

It really is a beautiful drive, even with the 64 bridges and reported 620 curves (I didn’t count) during the 84 km drive from Hahului to Hana. The traffic is bad and yeah, I got a little nauseous by the end of the day. But unlike the first drive, this one was well worth it.

The final bout came courtesy of Haleakala National Park again. It’s a huge park, taking up more than 130 square kilometers. One day we did the lush tropical side, a couple of days later I drove to the summit of the extinct volcano that makes up the heart of the park.

Notice there was an I not a we in that last sentence. After two lots of winding roads and with her ears not really recovered from the ear-popping they got on the Big Island, Cathy opted for a day at the beach instead.

Yeah, I got a little nauseous driving to the summit, but it might have been the most fun drive of the trip. No cliffs, for one thing. The traffic wasn’t too bad. There are plenty of places as you’re climbing to the summit of Haleakala, which is an extinct volcano, to pull over and enjoy magnificent views. You get to drive through Maui’s Upcountry, which is a world different than the beaches and resorts of Lahania. As you’re driving up you pass cattle ranches and cowboys. Occasionally, you see a small horde of mountain bikers barreling down the mountain, apparently living out a dream/death wish (note, most did not bike up the mountain. There are companies that will bus you to the top and then guide you to the bottom of the mountain via bike. Bit of a cheat if you ask me).

The view from the summit of Haleakala can also make you giddy. Possibly it’s the lack of oxygen – you are at 10,000 feet – but on a reasonable clear day you can see the Big Island, about 50 miles or more away. The volcanic crater is huge, and you can hike it if you have the time. Apparently the sunrise from the summit is spectacular but I didn’t have it in me to get up at 4 am to start the drive.

I loved being on top of Haleakala. I was reluctant to leave...

Three very different road trips. They all made me a little nauseous, but hey, sometimes a little car sickness is worth it. Except for that Route 340 trip. That one is going to haunt me…

Last Five

1. Call me on your way back home (live) - Ryan Adams*

2. Slippery slopes - Jenny Lewis

3. Dear Prudence - The Beatles

4. Hold me now - Thompson Twins

5. It's hard to be a saint in the city (Live) - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

Vacation housekeeping

So some house-keeping before I get to Maui stuff. Maui has been more laid back, so there's less to write about, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

1. I slagged Southways Hotel in Ottawa a few weeks back for various sins, mostly over changing their baggage policy which meant I had to abandon a pair of coolers. I did it on this blog but, because I was in an especially bad mood over that, I also went on Iqaluit Public Service Announcements page on Facebook, Twitter, Yelp and TripAdvisor. I was pretty thorough in my use of social media to express my disgust.

I rarely do that sort of thing, but sadly it works. I complained at the front desk when it was happening, but there was nothing they could do. When I blasted them on all those social media platforms, and people responded with dismay, well there was a change of heart in a matter of days.

So now they will keep bags for a month, assuming you have a return reservation already in place. Which is quite fair. They also contacted me personally to let me know that the coolers I abandoned were reclaimed from our room and are waiting for us when we return to Ottawa.

On the one hand, I'm glad to see Southways recognized they made a mistake and took quick action to fix it and made serious efforts to reach out to me to rectify the situation. It's more than what a lot of businesses would have done. Still, I wish they could have seen how severe the reaction to this idea would be from Nunavumiut, which make up a significant part of their business, before they took those steps.

Anyway, the situation is over with only some minor inconvenience...

2. Speaking of TripAdvisor, I think one of the things that surprised me the most in Hawaii is how much businesses depend on/fear TripAdvisor. I've heard radio ads talking about how highly rated their business is on TripAdvisor.

And I have to admit we're using TripAdvisor/Yelp/Google Maps a lot more on this vacation than we ever have before (we also downloaded a Road to Hana audio app for the iPhone, which was quite useful and better than trying to read highlights from a book while driving). Part of it is we now have iPhones, which we never had on previous vacations. So we can come here, get burner sims, and have actual smart phones when we travel around. It's made navigating easier, but it's also made finding places to eat or shop much easier.

So yes, all hail/live in fear of the mighty social media...

3. Every day I wear my Montreal Expos baseball hat, I get compliments or a comment on it. People haven't forgotten that team, even in the US.

4. We're routinely asked where we're from when we travel, more so in Hawaii than anywhere else we've been. And let's face it, no one in the United States knows where Nunavut is. Over the years, we've refined our location from Northern Canada (too many people thought we were talking about Toronto...seriously), to the Arctic (routinely got Edmonton/Yellowknife) to the North Pole (not everyone thought we were kidding) to the current Eastern Canadian Arctic. We add just west of Greenland (never mind that Grise Fiord is also technically just west of Greenland and it's much different than Iqaluit) and people get the idea.

It's an automatic conversation starter because people are curious about why you live there and when you moved and what you do. I've noticed an interesting reaction when we explain our jobs. When Cathy says she's a teacher, she gets nods and smiles. When she says she's a special needs teacher, she gets more conversation and more...respect. People acknowledge that's not always an easy job.

I've said I work with the government, which gets a blank look at best, or sometimes disapproving, depending on the person you're speaking with. I've said PR/Communications, and that always gets a frown. Lately I've taken to saying I work with an economic development agency and that....oddly gets some respectful looks. Americans seem to like the idea of doing something that helps grow and develop the economy.

It's all about refining the message to reach the right audience to help achieve your goals. My bosses would be so proud...

Big Island post-mortem

Some random thoughts from the Big Island...

1. If your ears are sensitive to changes in pressure, man is the Big Island not for you. There are signs on the side of the road telling you what elevation you're currently hitting. It's nothing to go from sea level, to 2,000 feet, to sea level again in a half hour. The trip to Hilo - Volcano is 0 to 4,000 feet. And, at it's most extreme, you can go from sea level to 10,000 feet in an hour if you decide to make the trip to the observatory at Mauna Kea. Cathy's asked for a break, now that we're on Maui, and to stay near sea level for a few days.

2. The Big Island has some of the nicest roads I've ever seen. It all looks like it's been paved recently and it's kept clean. There's hardly any litter or debris along the side of the roads. In fact, there are signs routinely warning you of heavy fines - $500 to $1,000 - if you're caught littering. I like that. Then again, littering drives me nuts. It's one the laziest human behaviours around.

3. There are a lot of churches, but few catholic ones. I'm sure they're there, we just didn't see any until we hit Maui. There was a small town we drove through along the south coat. Couldn't be anymore than 1,000 people, but we drove past at least a half dozen churches.

(Found out later that the Catholic Church was banned for decades on the islands by Protestant missionaries. Interesting...)

4. I understand  the whole, laid back, friendly Hawaiian thing is almost a cliche at this point, but really, they are some of the nicest, friendliest people you could ever hope to meet. Great smiles, always helpful, always will to chat or carry on a conversation about something.

5. Despite the non-littering thing, there is one thing cluttering up the place - Hawaii is in the middle of election mode, so there are signs for governor, lt. Governor, senators, state senators, city council, school boards....everywhere. Unless I've missed something the election isn't until November. It's only July and there's a sizable amount of clutter going on.

Although, interestingly, none of the signs indicate party affiliation. For example, until I checked, I didn't know that Neil Albercrombie was a Democrat. Makes me feel a little better about using a fan with his name on it to keep cool during a Sunday flea market.

6. It perhaps means nothing to people who live down south, but I will weep when I have to leave Hawaii and deal with Nunavut internet again. We spent one night chilling in Kailua Kona watching a movie on Netflix (Lilo and Stich, of course) and watching YouTube videos. And at no point did it lock up and we have to go and do something else for 10 minutes. It just....streamed. It worked like internet is supposed to work.

This is a bunch of tiny islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and they have working internet. So can we please have something like that in Nunavut already? It's ridiculous we have to beg for these things sometimes.

7. Give credit to the Americans for one thing, they do a mean national park. Seriously, if you come to Hawaii and don't do Volcano National Park, you're missing out on something spectacular. And it's not just the simmering volcano that you can go and watch, which obviously draws all the attention, but some great walking trails as well. The staff are also tremendously helpful.

8. People still seemed pretty confused about Obamacare. We've had a few conversation with people, mostly non-Hawaiians, about it. We always sum up our argument this way "We love your country, we think it's great. We would never live here because of your healthcare system." And the thing of it is, I think many American know they're being screwed over, they just have no idea how to make it right.

9. I was very impressed with the size of the biking lanes I saw on the Big Island, especially around Kailua Kona. Then I noticed a bunch of people training for the Iron Man race, which is in September, so that makes sense.

10. Perhaps I just missed it, but I really thought the Big Island would be more into alternative energy sources. I knew the place would be expensive, but I was still surprised at how expensive. It's not Nunavut-level, but some of it isn't far off. I saw gas range from $4.09 a gallon to $4.50 a gallon. Even local staples like fruit were pricier than I thought.

It's why I thought things like solar or wind would be a bigger deal. Anything to help offset some of the costs. But even most of the cars were standard. I saw few hybrids or electric cars. No windmills and little solar. I think there is some geo-thermal going on, but I guess I just expected more...

The land of coffee

I'm not a complete idiot. Of course I knew that Hawaii grew coffee before I came here and that it is a big deal. This isn't even the first place I've been where coffee is big. When I was in Costa Rica, it was made abundently clear how important coffee was and that it was the best in the world and anyone who told you otherwise were lying bastards.

But man, Hawaii is something else.

First off, it's good coffee. I'm far from being an expert on these things. I've only taken to drinking it every now and then in the last couple of years. I find the coffee in Canada bitter and tastes like burnt rubber. Every now and then I'll hit something that makes me think "Oh, this is why people like this stuff."

I've yet to hit a bad cup of coffee here. I've hit some truly extraordinary stuff.  I bought some from a place called McClure Farms and I'm kicking myself for not buying a crate of it.

Having said that, the industry surrounding it in Hawaii is impressive. I first got a hint of it at a farmer's market in Hilo. I was just eyeing something called Kau coffee, when the guy behind the table starts giving me the whole spiel. That the area, just south of Volcano National Park, used to grow sugarcane, then they transformed it to coffee, using coffee beans found in the area dating back to Brazil in the 19th century...and so on and so forth.

It was a good story. I bought a bag and we drank it while in the Hilo/Volcano area. It's pretty good.

But by the time we hit  Kailua-Kona, it had reached epic proportions. We drove into the city from the south, which means we cut through the heart of their coffee country. There were signs everywhere inviting us to do coffee tours or visit their gift shops. One thoughtfully reminded us that we had passed their farm 500 yards ago and that we should turn around because we were missing out on the best coffee in Hawaii. It seems every coffee in the region has won an award of some kind, at some point. They also all have epic stories of some kind.

The lady at the table who sold me the McClure coffee explained that since the coffee was grown by an 86-year-old man, and that it wasn't lumped in and roasted with beans from other farms, it was unique and better than the rest. It was a good story, so I bought the bag. And it's probably the best I've ever had. Sadly, it would cost a fortune to get it shipped to Iqaluit and I can't find it for sale off the Big Island. Damn.

And so it goes. There's that much coffee being sold in Kailua-Kona that I don't know how people actually sleep. There are cafes everywhere, there are shops specializing in coffee everywhere. There was a street fair on the Sunday we were there, and there was enough coffee being sold there to keep Nunavut caffeinated for a year.

My favourite involves Donkey Balls.

There's a store on Ali'i Street, the main drag, called Donkey Balls. It was hot, it had air conditioning and the name intrigued me. Basically they sell all kinds of chocolate, most of it covering macademia nuts. Hence, donkey balls. They also sell coffee and the guy behind the counter was an older gent and quite ambiable. After buying a lot of balls (they're quite tasty) and getting an iced coffee, I expressed my confusion about all the claims about which coffee is best.

"All the coffee around here is good. It might be grown at different altitudes, or roasted different ways, but there's no such thing as a bad cup of coffee around here," he said.

Which I thought was a fair point. You can get blinders on these things, chasing around which coffee might be the best. I know little about coffee, but I can get that way sometimes. If I'm in coffee-nirvana, maybe I want to try and find the best coffee around. Instead, just enjoy what's there.

But I had another question. I'd seen ads for another Donkey Balls up on the main highway. I asked if it was the same company.

His complexion went from laid-back Hawaiian chill, to scowl. The word "thieves" was not said, but it wouldn't have taken many drinks to get him to say it.

So yes, there is a Donkey Ball rivalary in Kailua-Kona. We went to the other store, by the way. Can't speak to their coffee, but their chocolate salty balls are quite tasty.

One last coffee related story. I went into another shop and, with some amusement, noticed they also sold tea.

"Isn't that sacriliege around here?" I asked.

"Well, there are some people who go for that sort of thing, I guess," he said. It was a tone of voice similar to what you might hear if you ask a Texan what he thinks about gun control.

We haven't seen as much coffee on Maui as the Big Island. There's plenty of it, but they're just not as crazy about it. I mean, there are lots of Starbucks on Maui, but only a few on the Big Island. I imagine in the land of coffee paradise, where every block has a coffee with an award or a story, Starbucks is a bit of a hard sell....

Manta ray nights

Kailua Kona on the west side of the Big Island has a lot going for it. Judging by the size of the airport compared to the one in Hilo, it's where most people choose to land when arriving to this particular island. Thanks to the pair of extinct volcanoes that make up the inner portion of the island, it's in a particularly miraculous rain shadow. Yes, it's still warm and tropical, but it gets a fraction of the rain Hilo does. And yet, it's not quite the desert-like terrain you get if you continue further north.

So it's warm, tropical but not perpetually soaked in rain. I can see why some people might prefer it to Hilo. Which, by the way, pisses people off in Hilo. I spoke to a lady at a market who said Hilo had its time, but now it's Kailua Kona's turn. And you can see it. There does appear to be more money in Kailua Kona, while Hilo appears a bit more....worn down, as it were.

I expected inter-island rivalries when we arrived in Hawaii. That Maui and the Big Island might square off against each other. I didn't expect the regional divide that exists on the Big Island. But it makes sense. It is, in comparison to the rest of the Hawaiian islands, quite large. There's a lot of diverse climates. There's cattle ranching in the north. The south, after you get past Volcano, feels more impoverished, possibly because it's off the beaten track for tourists.

However, we were in Kailua Kona for one reason. And it's wasn't the beaches or the sunnier climate, although after a week of rain that was lovely.  No, the reason why we were in Kailua Kona was to see manta rays.  Cathy read about how you could go night snorkeling and see them. As Cathy is part sea mammal anyway and is looking for any chance to bob in the ocean...

After doing her research she decided she liked a company called Sunlight on Water the best. One quick online booking and we were off. Turns out night diving for manta rays is really popular. When we eventually arrived at our spot I counted 16 boats of varying size clustered into a relatively small area.

Once again, taking into account the somewhat....relaxed view of vacation planning I'm having on this trip, I didn't do much research into what exactly this entails. So after about 30 minutes of trekking in the boat (only to end up in a spot about 100 yards off-shore behind the airport), I began to get the full gist of what was going to happen.

Basically, once it got dark the main boat would put a pair of barges over the side. They served two purposes. First, they gave the snorkelers something to hold onto, which worked well for me as I can't swim well. The 30 feet of ocean between me and the bottom might as well have been the Marinas Trench.

Secondly, the barges produce a powerful light. This light, in turn, draws all kind of plankton in so they can do their thing. And what is it that manta rays like to feed on? Plankton. And when you have 16 boats in a small area all doing the same thing, it must look like a Las Vegas strip buffet to a manta ray.

So I'm bobbing in the ocean, clutching a platform and waiting for manta rays. This is when I'm told mantra rays feed in a very particular way and that we should not touch them, no matter how close they swim.

See, I was figuring the rays would be swimming around the bottom of the ocean and we could see them gluide by, a couple of dozen feet beneath me.

No. Turns out, manta rays like to zoom upwards to get their snack, towards the light, and any fools hangling onto the side of the light, and then veer away at the last second.

Did I mention these rays were about 10-feet from tip-to-tip (medium-sized, according to the guides), have huge, other-wordly mouths and that you can see half-way down their gullet as they're zooming towards you? Did I mention I was being bracketed by a pair of teenage girls?

So yes, what with the cast-reject from Alien powering towards me, as I bobbed on top of an environment actively trying to kill me with teenage girls screaming in my ears, there was only one sane reaction...

I started laughing. I mean, laughing loud enough that I accidentally inhaled some salt water, but that was fine. Moments of spontaneously, unexpected joy are rare in life. Why let a little thing like trying to swallow the Pacific Ocean try to ruin it for you.

Really, it's a genuinely amazing experience. The rays literally break away at the last second as they swoop towards you. They're also completely harmless, despite appearances. They're astonishingly graceful and even after bobbing in the ocean, having been bombed by them dozens of times, I was not ready to come out after our 45 minutes with them was up.

Cathy, for her part, was equally giddy. I hadn't seen her since we hit the water. That's unusual as she likes to keep an eye on me when there's the passing possibility of me dying. But she was having too much fun to give me too much thought.

Hard to blame her, really.  So yes, add snorkeling with manta rays as one of the unexpected joys that I've now gotten to experience in life....

Air Volcano

A few months ago we had the opportunity to fly to the Grand Canyon via a helicopter. It was a cool experience and I'm happy we did that instead of spending 16 hours on a bus. But there was one thing that frustrated me. I never got really great pictures.

Part of it is I'm using much simpler photo gear these days. Instead of dragging around a heavy DSLR and multiple lenses, I'm using one of those mini-Olympus cameras with interchangable lenses. A lot lighter, a lot simpler and with pretty close to DSLR photo quality. But that doesn't help with window glare. That's what I got a ton of when shooting the canyon. I looked at the photos later, and there were a lot of reflections and weird glare. It drove me nuts.

So before coming to Hawaii I read that you could do helicopter tours of a volcano on the Big Island with the doors off. It was a little more expensive, and obviously there's a bit more risk, but I would get much better photos this time around.

There's logic for you, right there...

However, the odds were not looking good of that tour happening. Rain, rain and more rain. Most of the helicopter tours for that week had been cancelled. Still, I took a stab in the dark, called the company and booked for Friday. After that, all you could do was hope.

Turns out, dumb luck works in your favour sometimes. After five days of rain, Friday was sunny and clear. One of the staff told me it was the only day in the last week all their flights managed to get out.

So we jaunt back into Hilo from the village of Volcano (I kept wondering what the insurance rates must be like when you live in a place called Volcano, and living so near something that could go boom at inconvenient moments). We were in a 5-person helicopter - the pilot, a couple from Houston, and Cathy and I.

So we're loaded into the helicopter. Cathy and I are in the two seats in the back. Now, when we flew from Vegas to the Grand Canyon, they strapped us in so tight you had to work pretty hard to get out of the seatbelt. It was a 5-point harness. That was with doors on. With doors off, I was figuring we'd get something even more elaborate.

What we got was a car seatbelt. Oh, it went over the shoulder. So, you know, it wasn't just a lapbelt. But basically I was getting the same level of restraint and safety protection flying in an open helicopter 3,000 feet in the air over an active volcano as I do when driving to NorthMart. Less, actually. My car has airbags. 

In my excitement, this fact did not dawn on me until we were five minutes into the flight and the pilot banked sharply for the first time. That's when it kind of hit me exactly what I had gotten myself into.

So after two minutes of mentally going "ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck" I managed to calm down a bit. There was a hand strap in front of me, so I grabbed that. Because, logically, if the seatbelt gives way, me clutching that strap was totally going to save my life. You grasp at logic where you can.

Thankfully, doing something moderate-to-high on the stupid scale disappears as you approach the volcano. I mean, yes, it's got steam and lava and it will certainly kill you, but odds are if something bad is going to happen, it's not going to be the volcano that does you in. And really, it's an active volcano. And we're flying over it.

That is pretty cool, no matter what was you cut it.

Alas, it is not, as some of the brochures would have you believe, you skimming over the top of fast moving rivers of lava. Right now the peak is mostly steam...there are lava tubes, and in the breaks you can catch a glimpse of lava streaming down from the peak. It's cool and all, but not Hollywood blockbuster cool.

All around you can also see the results of decades of volcanic activity and what it has done to the area. One fishing village, which was destroyed decades ago, has rebuilt on top of the cooled volcanic rock.

That says something about humanity. Not sure what, but it says something.

The pilot, to her credit, was pretty good. Both sides of the helicopter got a chance to see the volcano.  And you never lose track of the fact that you are flying over a volcano and really, how many people get to do soemthing like that?

There's a second part of the trip, where you get to flying over some of the rainforests on the island, and over some of the waterfalls just north of Hilo. Which is nice and all, but Pele is the main attraction to the flight.

Then, after 45 minutes, you're done and back on Earth. Would I still do it knowing what I know about the seatbelts? Probably.

That says something about me. Not sure what, but it says something...

Death March 2014

Cathy and I have a long-standing, and unfortunate, tradition stretching back to 2006, of going on accidental death marches while on vacation. It started in San Francisco in 2006 when we (and by which, I mean me) were hiking all over San Francisco and refusing to get a taxi. This included an unfortunate jaunt through the Tenderloin, one of the rougher parts of San Francisco.

Later Death Marches include ones in Rome and Vatican City in 2008, Sydney in 2009, and Copenhagen in 2012. Oh, and Nuuk, Greenland in 2012. That was a bad year for death marches, apparently. There have probably been others, I'm just blanking on them.

The game plan for July 17 was pretty simple. We were going to get up, go to Volcano National Park and spend the day hiking around, checking out lava tubes, steam vents, petrogyphs and other fun odds and ends. However, when we got to the park it was pouring rain. It's been pouring rain pretty much since we arrive in Hawaii. There's been some kind of tropical storm lingering near the Big Island since we got here. Locals keep telling us that it should blow over the next day. They've been telling us that for about four days now. Hadn't happened yet.

So we were faced with trudging through the park in the pouring rain - an unappealing thought - or plowing on down the road and hope for better weather. The volcano and Mauna Loa act as big rain shadows. Once you get to the west of them, it tends to be dryer and sunnier. After days of rain, we caved in and headed south and west.

So plan B was a pair of beaches. The appropriately named Black Sand Beach (Punalu'u) and Green Sand Beach (Mahana). Black Sand Beach was kind of fun. The weather was still dicey, but it was nice to walk on a black volcanic sand beach. Plus, there were green sea turtles, which was a bonus. I'm sure I must have read about them at some point, but I'd forgotten. So there they were, with a special area made of loose rock, and with a worn sign cautioning that this was a sea turtle resting areas. There were five of them, just chilling on the beach, catching their breath.

So, black sand beach and sea turtles. Plan B was working out fine. Next up was finding the Green Sand Beach.

Death Marches often begin when you become determined to find something and then, when common sense says give up, you can't because you've come too far. Death March Copenhagen began when we went looking for the Little Mermaid Statue. Death March Vatican City began when looking for a museum. Death March Nuuk was looking for a store.

Green Sand Beach is not easily found using road signs, which is odd because Hawaii is normally pretty good at that. There's exactly one sign on Route 11. It simply says "South Point". No other detail about what lies that way. I believe locals kind of prefer that area remain somewhat shelted from the tourist hordes. We did, quite by accident, manage to find the most southerly point in the United States while looking for the beach, though. It's a line of cliffs at the southern point of the island. You could even jump off the cliff into the water, if you felt so inclined. I did not. But fortunately there were 20-year-old males wanting to show off for their bikini clad girlfriends, so I got some nice pics of them nearly killing themselves. Splendid stuff.

Eventually, we found a sign pointing in the right direction. Once we got to the badly decaying parking lot, we were asked if we wanted to be guided in. With senses finally tuned over the years of people trying to scam us, we waved them off, saying we could walk it easily.

Yeah. No. Not quite so much.

First, it seems it's a three mile walk each way to get to the beach. And the way there is no easy thing. It's a series of randomly diverging paths created by various golf cart/SUV/pick-up drivers over the years. So you're never 100% of where you're going. You just assume the people walking in front of you know what they're doing. Just as I'm sure the people behind us were working on the same assumption.

Next up, the rain that we were fleeing from Volcano found us. Coupled with high winds (all the trees are beant westward) made for a fun walk. A sensible person would have went "fuck this" and turned around. But we had come too far, so we needed to make it to the magical Green Sand Beach.

So the Death March was on. Did I mention that we didn't take any water because we thought it was a short jaunt. And, because of the spontaneous nature of our decision earlier in the day, we didn't bring along any swimsuits, beach towels or....oooops....sunscreen? A good Death March involves heady dollops of stupidity.

About an hour later, we finally made it to the beach.

The thing about the Death March is that it will, sometimes, reward you. The Little Mermaid statue was worth it. The Vatican Museum was worth it (never did find that store in Nuuk). Green Sand Beach was worth it. You have to naviagate down a cliff of black volcanic rock, but once there, you're sheltered from the worst of the wind. The sand is green and has a sparkle to it. The cliff sides surrounding the beach are surreal. The waves come crashing in. Not high enough to surf, but big enough to jump into and have them sweep you back onto the green sand. And after we were there for about 15 minutes, the rain broke and the sun came back out.

We read later that it is one of only four beaches in the world with green sand. And that, my friends, is a worth a little Death Marching,

Now if only we had remembered to pack the sunscreen before heading off. Ow.

The Big Island improvise...

From the start, this trip was designed to be more...relaxing. It meant that we were trying not to pack every day with as much activity as possible. We had a short list of things we wanted to do. I had two, Cathy had two.

Me: Go to the Mauna Lea observatory. Do a doors-off helicopter tour of a volcano.

Cathy: Night snorkeling with manta rays. Beaches.

Everything else was variable. If we saw something cool, we'd do it. Other than that, we'd take it easy.

Day one was something like that. The east coast of the Big Island has been hit with a lot of rain recently, courtesy of a tropical depression that won't go away. The east coast is always the rainy side, but even by their standards, Hilo was getting a lot wetter than normal. So after taking care of some errands as we settled in, we asked a few people what to do, given that staying in Hilo in the pouring rain didn't sound like fun.

Their suggestions - Hit Akaka Falls, which is about 10 miles north of Hilo, and swing by the botanical gardens. Which is just what we did. And it was just what the doctor ordered for a first day in Hawaii when we were still half out of our minds with jetlag. The falls are in the vicinity of 400 feet tall, so they're fairly impressive. And the admission is $1 per person. So there's nothing wrong with that.

 

The botanical gardens were a bit more expensive, but they were fine. A lot of interesting plants and the story behind these gardens - a married couple bought the land, cleaned it up and transformed it - is pretty interesting. The one thing I did wonder about is the Hawaiians are very sensitive about invasive species. You see it a lot as you travel the island. How they're trying to remove some plants that are causing damage to native species.

Those botanical gardens had a lot of non-native plants. I'm curious how locals feel about the place.

Day 2 only had one goal - the Mauna Lea Observatory. I loved astronomy when I was a kid. Alas, I'd already resigned myself to not seeing the actual telescopes. They rest at the top of the mountain, which is 14,000 feet. They strongly recommend not doing it anything other than a guided tour or a 4x4 because of road conditions and how steep the drive is. I didn't feel like blowing $400 on a guided tour and we couldn't afford a 4x4 for the entire time we're on the Big Island. Plus, with Cathy's asthma I  thought it would be a risk going that high up.

But getting to the visitor's center at 10,000 feet, and checking out the stars from telescopes set up at the center still sounded like lots of fun.

However, we had rain in Hilo again. So we decided to get to the observatory, normally a 45 minute drive, the long way round. We headed north again, this time to Honoka'a and then to the Waipi'o Valley lookout. It was a nice, scenic drive, had a great lunch at Gramma's Kitchen in Honoka'a and the lookout was fine, although the view is a little restrictive. Most of the land is the valley is privately owned and they apparently don't take kindly to tourists.

From there we looped around the north of the island, exiting rainforest and into cattle pastures in the blink of an eye. And then we began the climb to the observatory. Where it was foggy. And the people at the center were blunt in their assessment - don't get your hopes up.

(They also related with somewhat...enthusastic...glee stories about what happens when you take inappropriate vehicles to the summit and then come down. Stories of break failing and people diving out of cars screaming. They might have been exaggerating. Then again, maybe they weren't. Either way, we weren't driving to the top.)

Honestly, we might have left. It was around 3:30, the weather looked bad and the chances of a cool sunset or stars were slim. So while I was moping around the gift shop and trying to procastinate on making a decision, Cathy started chatting with a couple of Aussie women also lingering about, hoping for the best.

I have the bad habit of procastinating. Sometimes it pays off. Nat and Sarah were a blast. Both were funny, well-travelled (teachers, of course) and massive geeks. We basically killed a few hours talking about Dr. Who, Firefly, Veronica Mars, Divergent and other geek topics.

We were enjoying it so much we almost missed the fact that the clouds had broken up and there was a sunset about to happen. A quick scramble up a hill (always fun at 10,000 feet) and we got a great sunset. It even stayed clear long enough to see Mars through a telescope. Then the clouds came back. And sadly, they were leaving the next day, beginning their trip back to Adelaide.

Not perfect, but hey, sometimes the fun is in the unexpected. I might, someday, have just had another memory of "oh yeah, that time I went to an observatory." Now I have that and a few hours of laughing and geeking out with Aussie women near the top of Hawaii. And that works just fine with me...

Getting to Hawaii....

I'm going to try and write a bit more about this trip as it's happening. I didn't write much about Vegas, simply because it was such a flat out time that it was almost impossible to find an hour to sit down, compose your thoughts and write about it.

But I'm hoping Hawaii will give us a little more freedom. We decided that this trip, rather than plan everything to minute detail, we're going to be a little bit more relaxed. Yes, there are things we want to do. However, if we decided to do a helicopter tour of Volcano National Park, we have a few different days we can do it. 

Relaxation is the key. However, before you relax in Hawaii you have to go through the stress of actually getting here.

Honestly, it was probably a moderate in the TFTS (Totally Fucked-up Travel Scale). The first snag was discovering our hotel in Ottawa, Southways, no longer allowed you to store luggage there. When you come down out of the north you often leave pieces of luggage at a hotel and pick them up later. In our case, we brought down a pair of coolers. When I'm coming back in a few weeks times, I could grab the coolers, head out to Costco, stock up on chicken, meats, etc and then take it back up north.

But Southways changed their policy since we booked the rooms. That, combined with it being late at night, their wifi crashing and other crap meant we bascially abandoned the coolers at the hotel. I'll have to buy new ones in a few weeks. So that was frustrating. We won't be going back there again, obviously.

Travel joy number 2 was showing up at the airport. The flight, via United, was Ottawa-Chicago-Honalulu-Hilo. We show up at 4 am for the 6 am flight, however, they have no pilots. Also, they thoughtfully rebooked us for the next day without telling us. After a small meltdown, that was adjusted to Ottawa-Toronto-Los Angeles-Hilo, with some of it now via Air Canada.

You know, say what you will about Air Canada, and I have, at least its international flights are good. We didn't have any problems with Air Canada. Yes, the new international baggage screening in Toronto is a gong show, but that's not their fault. The flight from Toronto to LA was smooth and incident free.

Next problem - LAX. I've read it was a terrible airport, but I didn't grasp the full majesty of how awful it was. For Cathy, her most hated airport has long been Newark. LAX just beat it out. Any other airport if you land at a terminal and have to go to another one, there's a walkway, or train or something. But no. We had to leave security, ask three people where the bus was to transfer us (unbelievably bad signage), spend 20 minutes in traffic to arrive at the next terminal and have to go through security again.

Except there was only one metal detector. So it took another 30 minutes to get through that with the line actually stretching out a door and out on to an overpass. Oh, and I got selected for extra special security screening so myself and the TSA agent became...intimate. He's taking me out to dinner next time I go through LA.

That was followed by six hours in the terminal. Also, our flight was late leaving because the pilot's chair went missing. Seriously.

We travelled American Airlines over Easter and it was bad and United now, and it was bad (seats were awful, pay for food, pay for entertainment, missing pilots, missing chairs)...

I understand complaining about travel can be boring. Everyone has their horror stories. But I seem to recall a lot more times where travel at airports was nice and boring. The drama was minimized. Now it seems like the occasions where nothing goes wrong are the pleasent surprises rather than the norm.

Next up, first days in Hilo....

Running and Solstice...

So it seems the people have spoken. I'm not as obsessed with blog traffic as I was back in 2009, when this blog was at its prime. But I'm still curious as to what people like to read.

So, for example, I did a blog about geek movies of 2014. So far, 40 people have clicked on the link to read it. More might have, but direct links to it are 40. Which is not impressive. It's one of the least read blog posts I've done so far this year. Which is a pity, in a way. I'd been considering writing more geek related things. I have a bunch of graphic novels I'd like to review, for example. But there appears to be minimal interest.

However, my little Commission of Government rant, that has 214 so far, and rising. Plus it's easily the most praised thing I've done in awhile. An awful lot of smart and politically astute people whose opinion I respect a lot - Sara Rich Dorman, Craig Westcott, Barbara Dean-Simmons and Ed Hollett - have said some very kind words.

I look at it and all I can see are the typos. It's the problem when you feel ranty and hit 'post' before doing a couple of hard edits.

Politics has been a source of frustration for me. I love it, I have an opinion on it, but I feel very...restrained, in what I can say. Federal politics is right out due to work restrictions (well, common sense). Nunavut is too damn small for me to go off on the territorial government or any of the Inuit orgs. And I always thought I was too far removed to really do a proper and insightful commentary on Newfoundland politics.

But maybe I still have some juice. That makes me oddly depressed. It means that despite having not lived in the province for nearly nine years, the same old bullshit is ongoing, which means I have no problem following what's going on. Nearly a decade removed, nothing has changed. How sad is that?

***
On a personal note, I engaged in the middle age masochism of doing a road race today.  I used to mock those people. Now, it seems, I seem to be becoming those people. Although given how I feel tonight, it's doubtful I'll be doing sprints tomorrow.

A little history. My dad got into running big time in his 40s. I suspect there was no correlation at all between being newly divorced and having extra time on his hands and deciding that after spending all day delivering mail, that running 10-15 km was a good idea. His high water mark was probably running the Telly 10 on his 50th birthday and finishing 25th over all. Not bad considering something like 1,000 people run in that race.

There are not many opportunities to run in Iqaluit. Most of the year it's too cold or slippery except for all but the truly committed (and I mean that in all senses of the word). When it warms up enough, then the mosquitoes will normally feast on your flesh while you run.

But there was a 10k run in town today and, despite having never run that distance before, I'd give it a shot. After all, I spend at least 30 minutes on an elliptical on the four days a week I'm at the gym. I can do 10 km easy, right?

Sometimes I'm just clever enough to get myself involved in some really stupid things.

So yeah, did the road race today. Knew I was in trouble pretty early when my right achilles started acting up. Half way though I couldn't feel my left foot anymore. And the sado-masochists who designed the race route decided that the last 2.5 km should be uphill and into the prevailing wind. So that was fun.

But I finished with a time of 1:05:20 which everyone tells me is pretty good for a first race. Or at least they're being kind and lying to me. And it's only cost me my ability to walk normally. I usually take Boo for a walk in the evening and carry a walking stick. The stick is normally for defence to deal with any aggressive strays we might encounter. This evening I had to use it to, you know, walk.

Every now and then I think, "Hey, maybe I should try a marathon some day." Today was a useful reminder to not be quite that stupid any time soon...

***
Today is Summer Solstice, mean it's the longest day of the year. That means sunset is 11:01 pm and it rises again at 2:11 am. It doesn't get dark at the time of the year.

I always get marginally depressed on this day. Don't get me wrong, all the daylight can be a pain the in ass if you don't take the proper precautions. People get binky with sleep deprivation. That's why we "declare night" around 9 pm and close the curtains. We have some pretty heavy duty blackout curtains in the bedroom, so we have no weird daylight coming in.

Still, we've been building to this day for six months. It feels like your fleeing the dark and the cold and rushing toward some sunlight and warmth. And yes, we still have a couple of months of long days and temperatures spiking maybe as high as 15C or so (I'll still bet money we get snow in July this year. We've currently gone 22 consecutive months with at least some snow falling).

But yeah, now we're sliding back towards the cold and dark again. And that brings me down a bit. But in the meantime, a few pictures of what it was like around 10 pm tonight. And yes, that is still quite a bit of ice in the bay. The floe edge is not supposed to be too far away, but even with that ice being awfully thin, there were still people out on it on the ski-doos today. Crazy people, but I guess they know what they're doing.

Last Five
1. Dirty pool - Spirit of the West*
2. Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Warren Zevon
3. Katherine kiss me - Franz Ferdinand
4. Gleaming auction - Snow Patrol
5.  Unkind - Sloan

Bring back Commission of Government

I was chatting with a good friend of mine last night and we were, like most Newfoundlanders, making fun of the Tories. In case you missed it, this is the reason why you should make fun of the provincial Tories. Really, everyone should make fun of them. Just when I thought it would be almost impossible to see anything stupider than what the NDP did last fall, with a piece of self-sabotage that Aaron Sorkin would have rejected as being dramatically implausible and stupid, the Tories manage to find a way to up it.

But then she said something interesting. As a joke she said "Maybe we should go back to Commission of Government."

And I thought, "Well, it couldn't be any worse, could it?"

For those not aware of Newfoundland political history, a very brief primer. For the most part, we've really sucked at democracy. We've tended to elect crooks, idiots, egomaniacs or all of the above. My forefathers did such a good job of electing these people that they drove the country right into the ground shortly after the Great Depression hit. Out of desperation, they turned to England and said, essentially "Hey, we're done. We're bankrupt. You want to take a shot and running this place for awhile."

And England did. Welcome to one of the few places in history where the people willingly gave up their democratic rights to rule from abroad because we sucked at it so badly.

(If you have a Newfoundland history degree, I know this is a simplified version of events. Roll with it.)

After World War II, things were in better shape. The place was no longer bankrupt and, frankly, England had better things to do than to keep ruling us. So three options were presented in a referendum: Continue with Commission of Government, Independence, or Joining Canada. Commission of Government got almost no support on the first ballot, so they went to a second one, and the results, they say, are history.

(Unless you're a conspiracy theorist, in which case Canada and England rigged the election.)

Every Newfoundland history book I've ever read, or was taught, basically blew off the idea of Commission of Government. "Well, obviously nobody wanted to continue with that..."

Yes, because all it did was bring stability back to a place that was a gong show. If memory serves, there was actually a budget surplus when that cued up.

So to hell with it, let's bring it back. Essentially there's only one part in Newfoundland and Labrador anyway. The NDP are back into joke mode. Do not be at all surprised if they lose every seat in the next election. They deserve to. The NDP right now...you know how maybe you were dating someone and there was always this person pining for you, but you never gave them the time of day, because you kept lusting after the same chick/dude. But after getting burned so many times, and they're just so ernest that you go "what the hell, let's date them for a bit. Could be fun." And you do.

Then you find out they're batshit crazy and you run away as quickly as you can. Welcome to the Newfoundland and Labrador New Democratic Party and their last two years.

Least you think this means I love the Liberals or the Tories...I'm not sure if you've noticed, but they're the same damn party. There was a story that came out of the Liberal convention last weekend about all the people wanting to run for the Liberals in the next election. Same thing happened when Danny Williams took over back in 2003. Or Brian Tobin in '96. Etc, etc...Not because people suddenly became Conservative, or suddenly became Liberal, it's because people like winners. And right now, Red looks like a winner. In 2003, Blue looked like a winner.

Allow me to gaze into my crystal ball and tell you the next 12 years. Dwight Ball and Red wins the election. He'll win reelection around 2019 and will step down about two years into that term. Then Red will elect a new leader, who will start to make a hash of things, but will still win reelection in 2013. But shortly after that, people will get tired of the colour Red. Blue will have elected a new cult of personality who passes as a leader. People will start leaving Red and wanting to run for Blue, because Blue is awesome and Red has always kind of sucked.

And so the cycle continues. If the parties merged and renamed themselves the Reddish-Blue Liberal Conservatives, no one would know the difference. I assure you, there would be few policy fights. The Conservatives aren't true fiscal and social conservatives any more than the Liberals are economically and socially liberal.

So here's my plan. We have a referendum and get rid of democratically elected governments in Newfoundland because they're mostly idiots anyway (If Steve Kent becomes the province's next premier, emigrate as soon as possible. Seriously). I will be forming the Mad Bomber Party. I will then ask the Queen to appoint my party as the one in charge. This will consist of me and about 20 of my close friends from my time at MUN and a few other helpful lunatics. We get appointed for eight years and then we're done. Don't like us and what we're doing, you won't have to wait long. Really don't like us? Well, they had ways of dealing with unpopular governments in Newfoundland in the 1930s. It involved setting the legislature on fire. And really, would anyone mourn if Confederation Building burned to the ground? It's an ugly ass building.

How would we govern? Before we took over we'd spend a year travelling around Norway, Sweden, Denmark and Finland. Whatever the hell they're doing over there, we'll try and duplicate it here. I understand they're not perfect countries and they have their problems, but whatever their problems, they don't appear to be governed by complete idiots. Can the same be said of Newfoundland? So let's try and figure out their culture and try and duplicate it here. Because it's not just a change of politics that's needed...it's a change in mindset. A change in culture. An overhaul is needed, folks. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Because if you think things suck now, wait 25 years when the oil is gone, or people don't need it anymore, and we will have no oil, no fish and no money in the bank. You will need to create new words to describe how brutal that's going to be.

And my friends and I? We're all fairly smart. We're writers, journalists, lawyers, philosophers, teachers and tech people. We've run businesses. We're engineers. We care about the place, wouldn't mind it being fixed and have about zero tolerance for political bullshit. We're not set in the same old, same old bullshit that seems to be business as usual in the province's political class. We'd like to come in, be compassionate, fair, fix the place up, get it running ok, and then move along. Eight and Done. Appoint a new group after that or go back to democracy. You choose.

So there you go, a Baltic-inspired Commission of Government run Newfoundland and Labrador. Insane, you say. Sure. Then again, you saw what happened yesterday. Is my idea really any more ludicrous?

Last Five
1. Here comes the night time II - Arcade Fire
2. Prophets - A.C. Newman*
3. Dancing in the dark - Bruce Springsteen
4. Daniel (live) - Elton John
5. Refugee (live) - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Sealift and dumpcano

1. So I did this odd thing the other day where I wrote for another blog. Yes, you might accurately point out I'm barely writing for this one. However, it was a nice confluence of events that lead it to happen.

Finding True North has been kicking around for awhile now, although I haven't added it my blogroll because I am a lazy bastard, apparently. Anubha and Sara both run the blog and it's a lot of fun. They have a lot of energy, which goes a long way when doing these things (I think I exhausted mine around 2009) and the manage to find new ways to keep writing about Iqaluit fresh and interesting.

That's the thing about northern blogs...they always start out well, but they invariably putter off and die. People run out of things to write about. And mostly they're for friends and family to try and explain what you're experiencing without writing the same email 30 times. The difference here is, again, the energy, but both of them approach Nunavut blogging with a genuine curiosity and wanting to share what Iqaluit is like with a broader audience. They have almost a travel writer mentality about the whole thing, which is a good approach to take, I think.

Anyway, there was some chatter on local Twitter about things to write about and someone suggested that there should be a piece on the sealift. And for whatever reason, I jumped in and said, "sure, I'll write it." Which they gleefully accepted.

The surprising thing to me is not that I volunteered, but how quickly the piece came together. Seriously, first draft took about 30 minutes. Some tweaking after that and then Anubha asking for a few other things. It's not a bad little blog post and I think somewhat useful if you were thinking of doing a sealift. Of course, I can see at least two things I forgot to mention; boxing stuff yourself while at TSC and sharing a sealift with friends if you don't have a big order. Also pretty sure I didn't specify NEAS sealift, as NSSI does one as well, and that's who we normally ship with.

But I've learned not to fight with editors...;)

2. So our local city council has finally decided that maybe their master plan of waiting out the dump fire, locally dubbed #dumpcano, might not be the best long term strategy, especially since it could end up burning the rest of the summer.

I think the tipping point might have came this week, when temperatures began to creep up a bit. It hit 8C at one point this week. Those of you down south are probably going "ooooo, 8C". All I can tell you is if the sun is shining and there is no wind, 8C has some pop. Next week it's forecast to go up to 12C or so.

Why is that a tipping point? Because when the wind has been pushing the smoke into town, one of the things officials have been telling people is to stay in doors, keep their windows closed and turn off any air exchangers. Except, most houses in Iqaluit are built really tight and heavily insulated. It doesn't take much for them to become ovens. I've opened windows when it's been below 0C.

So telling people to stay inside and away from the smoke, in houses that will quickly spike past 30C (remember, people up here are not used to that level of heat. Many Inuit complain when it gets above 10C) is not a long-term viable strategy.

I'm not sure how they're going to put it out, but I'm assuming there are people somewhere in Canada that have experience dealing with these things that they can draw on. It also does call for a little more urgency in developing a proper waste management strategy for the city. The dump catching on fire every year loses some of it's appeal after awhile.

Plan A was to drown it. Plan B was to wait it out. Kind of curious to see what Plan C will be...

On the upside, at least I got a t-shirt out of it.

Outcrop (a design and production company) in town got the bright idea of making some t-shirts on the Dumpcano and selling them for $30 each. $10 of that goes to the Iqaluit Fire Department. They got them on Thursday and I think they're just about sold out. So I now own a fun little thing of a sucky little event for a good cause. I will wear it with dubious pride.

3. We're getting closer to the ice being gone, but not quite there yet. However even if the ice disappears in the next week I see that both NEAS and NSSI are saying their boats won't be in until July 11 at the earliest. Annoying. I'd like my stuff sooner than that.

Last Five
1. Living in colour - Frightened Rabbit
2. Nothing in my way - Keane
3. Shadows (live) - Gordon Lightfoot
4. Have love will travel (live) - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
5. Via Dolorosa - Matthew Good