There was a moment during our recent trip to Ottawa that I forgot to mention. It was one of our last days in town and we were heading out for supper. As we were driving we came up to a corner where we saw four or five women getting ready to head out on the town....somewhere. They were wearing enough hairspray that the government should have cited them for damaging the environment, bangles and I'm pretty sure there was a hint of neon in there somewhere.
But the kicker was they were wearing skirts and shorts with what could only described as thigh high socks. Something like these, apparently.
Now, I wanted to slow down and properly appreciate this spectacle. Because we live in a fashion null zone in Iqaluit. I was at a meeting recently where a woman excitedly asked another where she bought the very pretty rubber boots she was wearing. I think that might well fall under a "You know you're living in Iqaluit when...." (Zappos, in case you were wondering because I know there are women who read this who care about such things.)
Anyway, I wanted to slow down and observe in much the same way you want to slow down and appreciate a really good car wreck where you no nobody has been hurt. Cathy, on the other hand, sank her fingernails in the my leg and screamed, "for the love of God, drive faster." For the rest of the evening, whenever I tried to bring it up, she just shook her head and said "Nope. Didn't happen. Didn't see it."
Why mention this? Because I understand there's something of an 80s revival happening these days. Granted, I've been mostly oblivious to it up here. Cathy's seen hints of the fashion at school, hence the mental scarring. I've heard the truly awful remake of "Africa" kicking around (but kind of like the remake of "Major Tom", so....) However, up until today I don't think I could appreciate the full level of awful about to be unleashed on us.
It was this story that broke me. There are remakes/sequels in the works for Total Recall (which was bad the first time around), Wall Street (could be all right), Valley Girl (are you fucking kidding me?) and Clash of the Titans (Dear sweet merciful lord).
By the way, Liam Neelson is apparently starring in Titans. He's also rumoured to be starring as John "Hannibal" Smith in an href="http://jam.canoe.ca/Movies/2009/06/09/9735826-wenn-story.html"A-Team remake. Feel free to make a "I pity the fool who has to play B.A. Baracus" joke right here.
I'm also wondering, in all seriousness, if Neelson isn't suffering from some kind of post-traumatic stress after the tragic loss of his wife earlier this year. Because between Titans and the A-Team, I think it's time for his family to stage an intervention.
This is all a long-winded way of saying the 80s are back in full force, that I lived through them the first time and they didn't seem like all that great of an idea back then, and we should all fear for our lives. Or at least move north, where perhaps the worst of the pandemic will pass us by.
But I swear to God, if they try to do a remake of Real Genius, I might have come down there and start slapping people around. I'm just warning you in advance.
1. Ugly stories - John Rouse
2. Everlong - Foo Fighters
3. Feet in the clouds - Paul McCartney
4. I'll follow the sun - The Beatles
5. Cautious man - Bruce Springsteen*