Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Conspiracy idiots

Note: This is a full blown rant. My friends know what this means. The rest of you are warned. There will be naughty words and unpleasant images mentioned.

I don't know how I missed this story on the CBC yesterday, but here is my final say on Canadian Idol for this year. The people in this story? The people who are nodding their heads in agreement with this story?


No, no, no...I'm not being too harsh. If anything, I'm understating their idiocy. Anybody, and I mean, anybody, over the age of 12 who agrees there was a conspiracy to prevent Sharpe from being the Canadian Idol should have their reproductive capabilities restricted until such a time as they can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that they are not this stupid.

It's a fucking reality television talent contest. You should not care that much about it. You should not be calling Open Line shows to whine about it. You should not be going online, where your comments can linger much longer than you think, and start espousing conspiracy theories about how Canadian Idol producers, CTV, Aliant, the Canadian government and the Military-Industrial complex has it for Craig Sharpe because he's a Newfoundlander.

Nobody should care that much because it is, again I emphasize this, A Fucking Reality Television Talent Contest. And one that might not be around much longer judging by the ratings it's getting. There were also 250,000 fewer people watching the finale this year than last. So gods willing, it will go into freefall and be gone in a year or two anyway.

People are going around still bitching about how the Nissan Bonavista commercial makes Newfoundlanders look bad. No, my friends, our whining reaction to this piece of shit, hackneyed television show is the real embarrassment. I could give a rat's ass about the Bonavista commercial. All our reaction to that ad is showing is that our fabled sense of humour needs to lighten up a bit. We're getting a touch too anal.

Our reaction to Craig Sharpe's loss on Canadian Idol - which is apparently getting some national headlines - is showing that we're touched in the head. Most people have already forgotten who the new Canadian Idol is. That's its lifespan. Forty-eight hours after it's over, most people can't remember who won.

I beg all of you, for the love of God, for the love of our dwindling respect at a national level, boycott the show next year. When they have try-outs, nobody should show up. Pay no attention to it. Go about your daily lives and don't watch the damn show. Better still, on nights that it's on, go and watch someone playing live if you're in St. John's. It might be closing the door after the horse and the whole bloody stable have bolted, but it'll help.

I read stories like this and it makes me think that, God help me, Margaret Wente wasn't completely out to left field when she wrote in the Globe and Mail during the Atlantic Accord debate that Newfoundlanders can whine like nobody's business. At least that was over our financial future. This is over some seriously stupid shit. It's time to get a grip, for Christ's sake.


His Nibs said...

Wow. Vintage rant. I've missed them, as they can be your best writing.

So, what does Cathy say about this, and the amount of energy you spend fuming over a show you don't care about.

regards, cat`

towniebastard said...

Cathy appreciates the written rants as she does not have to then actually listen to them.

Torquemada said...

Well said Townie. I can't even bear to watch that poor excuse for entertainment, and that's all it is, entertainment. It's about time someone told it like it is. I'm sorry but I can't get excited about a pretty-boy singer losing a talent contest. There's real stuff out there to be a whole lot more bothered about. Heck, at least he had some fun and travelled to Toronto.

Oh, by the way, I think the Nissan Bonavista ad is funny, just like a lot of other ads. It's a car commercial for goodness' sake, not life or death.

What's going to happen here if we have a real crisis? I guess we can always sing while we're driving somewhere in a car, other than a Bonavista, to stick our collective heads in the sand with our butts in the air. After all, there's as much in the way of brains in our glutes as there is in our heads if we can get all hot and bothered about the crap some folk seem to get all lathered up about. It's not real, people, it's La-La Land, T.V.!

Ed Hollett said...

Awesome rant.

Dead-on rant.

Mireille Sampson said...

I must be getting more oblivious as I age as I hadn't heard anything about this.

Wow. And I thought it was sad how chickaboo (now idea what her name is) was splashed all over all the local papers - her being a Gatineau girl and all(...weird thing about being in Ottawa: it's like Hull and Gatineau are part of the same municipality).

WJM said...

Amen, brother.

dups said...

wow. well said, well said...

Brian said...

Great read, great rant. I hope Bill Rowe gets a copy of this, Newfoundland whiners make Labrador whiners look like amateurs.

Ed Hollett said...

Of course, in the face of a formal complaint, Rowe now contends he never said what everyone heard him say.

Still, he should read this rant since it does point to the problems with Rowe's Whining even if he thinks everyone who does the same thing he does is not worth talking about.

Mark said...

Why don;t we have areality show for rants like this? Simon you'd be a shoo-in. Or maybe you'd be on the panel of judges. Bravo.