Friday, November 17, 2006

No more hits, please

This is a touch off base for me, but hey, the thought occurred to me, so why not run with it for a bit.

Last week the tabloids rejoiced because Brittney Spears and her husband are finally getting a divorce. They’ve been angling for this for awhile and it finally happened. And yes, while I’m sure they’ll miss the regular drama of one of the more fucked up and obviously doomed couples in main stream media, it was a pretty good run. Certainly longer than many expected.

And as a bonus, they get to rename the dubious loser K-Fed into Fed-Ex. Which I’ll give them props, is pretty damn clever. And there is the ongoing divorce drama to keep them entertained and fueled. I’m sure American gossip whores have been disappointed that they don’t have something like Paul McCartney and Lady Heather to fuel things on this side of the Atlantic. This will no doubt be a pale imitation, but it’ll do.

But here’s the thing, I’m sad to the marriage end. But not for any of the reasons you might think. Here are the two positives I saw in the Brittney-K-Fed marriage.

1. She remained knocked up.
2. Because she was always pregnant and apparently losing what little mind was left after you have that much peroxide poured on your head over many years, she had stopped making music.

I’m all about the whole not making music aspect of Brittney Spears. I never liked her music. In fact, I would go so far as to say I loathed her music. So the past couple of years, with her not producing much and gradually becoming the running punchline to hundreds of internet jokes...I had no real problem with that.

This is a long-running thing with me. While I have musicians I love and whose music I adore, I’ve also tended to nurse a grudge against certain musicians. It’s a ying and yang sort of thing. They are people whose music I loathe and I long for the day they fall from grace and stop making records. They become a trivia question on VH1 or something.

But the whole joy of hating a musician is that they eventually have to go away. I hated New Kids on the Block and they eventually went. I hated the Backstreet Boys, and eventually got my wish with them. The joy is in knowing they're doomed and then watching it happen.

The fact that Madonna continues to produce music and is popular is a long-standing source of frustration. She is, however, proof of Satan on Earth because surely only a deal with the devil could allow that woman to keep making records and be successful.

Anyway, I had the same feelings towards Spears. And the last couple of years, I thought the cycle was going to successfully continue. I would hate their music and the rest of the world would eventually wise up and join me.

Sadly, she’s dumped Fed-Ex (really, that is quite clever), but probably hasn’t fallen so far that she’s beyond redemption. I’m sure the inevitable comeback record is being produced as we speak. And she was on Letterman the other week apparently showing off her new svelte body, putting her into MILF status.

She’ll probably bounce back. I don’t listen to radio anymore and I can't remember the last music video I saw, so her comeback won’t bother as much as it would have five years ago. Still, I live in hope these crazy kids can reconcile. You know, for the children. And so I don’t have to listen to her God awful music anymore.

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