Thursday, August 31, 2006

An Ode to bitter women

So I was puttering around a few blogs today and read Dana's, which then took me to Sarah's (as blogs are wont to do) when I came across the most marvelously bitter exchange. It's a month old, but I don't care, it's brilliant. I think it's Dana's quote, but she can feel free to jump on here and make sure that proper credit is given.

What is the quote? "I hate girlfriends. Girlfriends are sluts. The least they could do is keep their men home and stop cluttering up the bars."

To which I had to work hard to stifle the laughter because it might be hard to explain to people nearby what I was laughing at. It's an elegantly crafted piece of bitterness. I told it to one of my co-workers, who is back in the dating game after her marriage ended and she laughed. "They're right," she said. "And if they can't keep them out of the bars, then at least put some kind of bar code on them so I can run a scanner over them to see if they're single or not."

I admire that caliber of bitterness. I was quite the bitter person myself (Yeah, yeah, my friends can spare me the shocked "No!" reactions). But that was BC - Before Cathy. I was a God of Bitterness and was vastly entertaining to my friends as I could go on quite the bitter rant (Remember, God of Bitter, Lord of the Rant and Lord of Sarcasm) on whatever topic was annoying me at the time. My inability to get a woman was normally high on the list. For whatever reason, I wasn't making the correlation between sucky dating prospects and my bitterness. Hell, I was a near perpetual inhabitant of the infamous "Bitter Couch" at The Muse.

Bitterness and a rant can be fun (much like a Guinness and Strongbow mixed together), but you do have to be careful. The occasional dose is amusing, but if you're like it all the time it can get tiring.

But I don't really know that many, if any, bitter single women right now. I know Dana in passing (more friend of a friend sort of thing); most of them are kind of out of it. Hell, I don't have that many single women friends anymore. But about 10 years ago I knew some spectacularly bitter women, who were quite frequently single. Mireille was often entertaining. So was OM. My friends Tiffany and Andrea were queens of it. More than one night was spent at the Duke of Duckworth listening to them be bitter and blindingly funny.

If you're still bitter and snarky in your 40s, well, that's a cause for concern. But by God when you're in your 20s you should be able to be bitter and sarcastic and pissed off at the state of things, even if it normally ends up being mostly your fault.

So to Dana and Sarah and all the other bitter, yet blindingly funny women in the world, I salute you. Have fun and savor the bitterness while you can. Because before you know it you're a girlfriend again. And you know what that meansÂ…

13 comments:

vickyth said...

Hey Craig, you need to fix that link to Dana's blog. (P.S. you can delete this comment, if you like.)

towniebastard said...

Fixed. Thanks Vicky...

dups said...

I'm past bitter...

Jason said...

You couldn't be bitter Dups you kept apologizing !

Ed Hollett said...

Craig:

My middle-aged, old married fart brain must be missing something entirely. maybe i just can't pickup bitter women messages anymore.

I checked out the blogs for Sarah and Dana. There's nothing there except the insights of a couple of fairly typical, intelligent attractive young women.

No spectacular displays of bitterness, although there is one depressing comment about a bike being the best thing ever between her legs. It made me not because it has a bitter twist but because it's always bad news when some of our brethren demonstrate such unbelieveable incompetence.

Gentlemen, with such fine women out there, you might take some time to become acquainted with the art of being...welll...a gentleman in the 21st century.

Somebody needs to get their head screwed on straight but it ain't Sarah and Dana.

Mireille Sampson said...

You refer to my bitterness like I don't have it anymore!? I'm not single, I have someone who is a source of sanity, but I've been trying this art career thing for three years sans success...you want bitter? Difference is I know no one wants to listen to it and I have Himself to bitch at without worrying of it going elsewhere...besides, he likes to laugh at my sarcasm.

Oh, and you are still more than capable of a rant, they're just a little more...pleasant now;)

towniebastard said...

Ed, I'm not saying they need their heads put on straight. I don't think they're messed up in the slightest. Nor do I think their bitterness is a perminent state of being.

What I am saying is they possess bitterness and can channel it to good, often spectacularly funny, use. I find most of the bitter women I know (so sorry I thought you were not bitter any more, Mirielle. And my God, how could I forget Colette) tend to be very intelligent, creative and funny.

But my God, they've got a deep, dark well of bitterness they can tap into when called for. And it frequently comes out in bars.

And the comments about girlfriends and bike seats are proof of this for Dana and Sarah, I should think. Again, I'm not saying they're bad people. Merely that they likely possess a...unique perspective of the world that is frequently cynical and downbeat, but probably pretty damn funny as well.

I've always liked bitter women. One more reason I'm (pleasently) baffled how I ended up with Cathy.

towniebastard said...

Oh, and Dups, Jason is pretty well spot on. You might try to do bitter, but you're pretty sad at it. I mock your sad attempts at bitterness.

danadana said...

Craig: First, I'm proud to have joined the ranks of 'bitter women who make you laugh.' I never thought I was more than cynical! Some very prestigious names dropping at the moment, I don't know that I can measure up to the historical bitterness levels. As Ed says, for the most part I'm a typical, intelligent, attractive young woman (btw, I'm liking Ed quite a lot right now).

You hit it on the head when you linked both mine and Sarah's blogs together, because we bring out the righteousness in each other. But it is all a little tongue in cheek; we're making light of what could potentially be an angst-filled state. I don't think I'm exagerating when I say that it takes a strong head to cope with the dramas inherent in being single in St. John's.

And Ed: you're absolutely right. We are fine women, and the men do need to get their heads on straight. This incongruity is the source of whatever frustration or cynicism I might evince.

Ed Hollett said...

Craig:

Sorry for my inability to express myself clearly.

I wasn't taking you to task or suggesting Sarah and Dana needed their heads adjusted. I understood you were appreciating their bitterness.

My problem was I couldn't find the juicy rant. I described what I saw but I went their looking for a bitter-fest. Been a while since I saw or heard one so I was kinda disappointed. Bitter women are attractive as long as they don't stay bitter forever.

That said, the blogs are well-written and insightful and pretty damn funny, so many thanks for cluing me in.

God knows I can use some clues sometimes.

Incidentally, Dana, you are most welcome for the compliment. I seem to recall the dramas of the local scene and I also recall the point when I stopped playing the drama game. I could be really smart-ass and advise you to stop worrying so much; it will all work out. if I did that though, your blog might lose some of its edge. Good writing often comes from angst.

In the meantime, when I see drama and am in danger of getting sucked into it, I just keep reminding myself: Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. It's just my way of keeping my attention focused on the big picture and not sweating the small shit.

Thanks again Craig for the great post and the links.

colette said...

Craig, I am but an Acolyte of Bitterness besides the wonder that is Pat, Demi-Goddess of Bitter. Although she has mellowed considerably over the years....

Noah said...

As one of the rank and file who preceded the infamous bicycle, I'd say the bitterness can run both ways, and perhaps the dear gentlewomen of our age might have some lessons to learn as well. Personally, my husky is the best redheaded companion I'VE ever had. . .

Anonymous said...

oh my! I was a single mom for 20years. I had a best friend that was also a single mom. She is 55 now and as for me, I am 40 and I got married. I am happily married. HOW DARE I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HER?! HA! Yep, she's a bit past bitter. She is so jealous it's as if she is circling the skies above us like a vulture waiting for any sign of trouble in our life to make her happy! These women are very funny. At times it can be sickening though when they move in for "the kill". HA!